5.05.2016

Needed...

My best friend in high school Steph and I used to write deep soulful notes to one another about all the things we loved about the other person. Steph "got me" in a way that no other girl since has and I loved that in those notes she could capture things about me that I didn't even know about me until she pointed it out.

One such gem that she wrote was this:

"You don't need people. You just need people to need you."

Bam - this is so me...

I love feeling needed. I love feeling that I have a responsibility that only I can fulfill. I love being that person that is there when you need it the most. 

For the past year, I have felt unneeded. This seems paradoxical because I have 5 little people that need basically EVERYTHING from me and try as I might to make that fill my "I am needed" bucket - it doesn't. In fact it somewhat sucks it dry. I don't know why but it is not the being needed that I "need" in my life.

Here are the roles in my life that I would like to be needed in:

As a neighbor - I live in a tiny neighborhood with a bunch of old people that I am sure are cussing my kids out for playing in the ditch water. I really just want to lend someone a cup of sugar - is that too much to ask!

In my church congregation - Our ward is huge... I could stop attending and it would take months before someone noticed. Along that line, I just got a calling to teach every 5 weeks in Relief Society. It took about a year and half for me to get a calling and I am only needed in it every 5th week.

As a friend - I have landed in a group of self-sufficient mom friends (who inspire me daily with their non-neediness) but their husbands come home for lunch so they keep turning down my invites for mid-day park dates - the time of day when I could really use some adult conversation.

In my community - I always have had a desire to be a force for good in the area in which I live.... right now, all I feel like is a sideshow, "Wow - look at that lady trying to get those 5 kids to pick up litter on this busy road. She is crazy!"

As a wife - Blake is a lot of good things but he is not needy... I joke with him that I could die tomorrow and he might miss me - for a day.

As a sister/daughter - There is lots going on in my family right now... I wish I could be more available to those who need an extra hand but we all seem like we are just trying to keep our own little boats afloat. I wish I could lash them all together and climb aboard someone else's to help swab their deck instead of my own for once. 

As a writer - as vain as it sounds I would love to write something that people feel the need to read.

So there you go... 
 my being needed need is not being met.

So if you need something, please ask.

5 comments:

Jolene said...

I needed you today and you helped me!

Trisha said...

My Sister-in-law is moving your way next week. I'm sure she would love a friend to go to the park with. Not exactly sure how close you will be so i'll have to find out. She was 3 little ones.

Danielle said...

I always need you Cyndi!! In fact, yesterday I decided I was going to paint my bathroom so I settled my 8 week old baby and my 4 year old and got to work. About an hour in, I realized I was crazy to think I could paint my bathroom in an hour before the little people I had settled became unsettled and big girls got home from school, and the first thought that went through my mind was....."I need Cyndi. She would totally come help me finish this project if I just called her." But then as quickly as the first thought came, I thought "that would be rude, Danielle. She has a million things going, I do not need to bug her." Now next time that I try to be more ambitious than I can handle, I will definitely call you!! :) xoxo

AndersonGR8 said...

Knowing you are there and feeling your love sustains and strenghtens us. Thanks for filling some of our need.

AndersonGR8 said...

Knowing you are there and feeling your love sustains and strenghtens us. Thanks for filling some of our need.