6.26.2015

Working hard...

A couple times a year I attend a church meeting where the lesson is on strengthening marriage. At some point during the lesson, the teacher will ask for ideas on what makes a strong marriage. The list will be thrown out; communication, trust, mutual respect, etc. with hard work repeated about half a dozen times. I remember one lesson in particular I was sitting behind a newly engaged couple and after the repeated mantra of hard work, hard work, hard work was spoken - I wanted to lean forward and whisper, "It can be lots of fun too!" Marriage is work but it is also a lot of fun.

Along the lines of fun, one of my favorite conversations with Blake went like this:
C - "You make being married easy."
B - "You make being married, ummmm... fun."

And that basically sums up Blake and I's relationship; he keeps things low drama and I keep things from getting too dull. 

Because of Blake's low drama ways, our marriage is fight free. I try but he doesn't comply and if you have ever tried to fight with someone who doesn't fight back then you will know that it just makes you look like a crazy person. 

But if we did fight - I know exactly what it would be about. Every single time.

Who does more.

It's a silly thing to argue about seeing that both of our existences are built around making this little family of ours thrive. I think it is safe to say that we are both working hard.  But occasionally I hear it creeping into our conversations. I sarcastically remark about Blake sitting around behind a desk all day or he comments on my endless trips to the park. We both know each other is doing their part but at times our individual part seems bigger than the other persons. 

About a year ago I noticed this trend and I tried to make a conscious effort to stop it (seeing that like all things drama-related I am the most guilty of these accusations). I felt like I was making some good headway on this. When I begrudgingly thought, "Why am I the only one who mops the floor?" I would remind myself that I am the only one who notices if the floor is mopped. I could skip mopping for months before anyone in my family noticed anything was amiss. I shouldn't hold it over Blake's head that he has never mopped - it's not even on his radar.

But it is always when you think you have made some self-improvement that a wrench gets thrown into the mix. The wrench at the moment is, of course, a newborn. Because nothing can make you feel like you are doing more than your fair share than being the full life-support for another human being. 

So I am here offering the one piece of marital advice (to you but mostly once more to me) that I do feel worth repeating: Marriage does require hard work, hard work, hard work but more importantly, it also requires recognizing that your spouse is probably working just as hard.

Thank you Blake for everything - there is a reason why all those years ago I inquired (as a prerequisite to marriage) if you had ever "bucked hay." I had to know you knew a thing or two about putting in a honest day's work.

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