9.13.2014

4am...

I watched a Ted talk. It's called The Museum of Four in the Morning and it is very entertaining. The speaker basically has become obsessed with the idea that he is haunted by the time 4am. He finds that this time pops up everywhere - in songs, in books, in movies, in advertisements, etc. He started collecting references, then other people started collecting references for him, then he become an internet sensation and now there is a crowd-sourced database for four in the morning references. 

Watch the talk - it's fun.

And reminds me of my own four in the morning.

I see them at the grocery store, the park, the library, Cosie's dance class where a mom comes wheeling in with not one but two sets.

I read about them in books. Doesn't matter the genre they are always there. From picture books to novels to memoirs. Always just in passing - They had two girls, twins, who were always covered in a thin layer of grime. - but always there.

I hear about them from friends and family, and overhear them from strangers, "Oh did you hear? So-and-so is having twins."

I find them on my family tree - usually accompanied by premature deaths which strikes me as all the more poignant.

I see them on the back of cars - Got Twins?

They appear over and over - in the expected (parenting magazines) to the unexpected (the Diet Coke commercial during the BYU football game being broadcast over and over and over again).

A day rarely passes without some reference appearing reminding me that once I would have revelled in these moments. That I would have collected them with glee and told my boys "Look twins - just like you." That I would have had my own museum and it would have been carefree and fun and a bit naive.

But now all these references can do is assemble dutifully in the hole in my heart reminding me that it is still there.

That it will always be there.

My very own four in the mourning.

2 comments:

AndersonGR8 said...

A beautifully written post in tribute to a beautiful and not forgotten son. Thank you for sharing these thoughts.

HowellAZ said...

I'm so glad you share your talent of writing with the rest of us. My heart just goes out to you so much when I read posts like these. I think of you often, mostly has the funnest mom on the planet, but also of a mom who lost a baby and now has a hole in her heart.